I was watching Showbiz Tonight last night on CNN when the segment “Sexy or Sexist?” came on. Wow! Let’s just say the men’s magazines “Maxim” is staying true to form in offending the opposite sex. It has put out a shocking list and calling it the un-sexiest women alive. Yes and the five women who made the list are, “Sex and the City” star Sarah Jessica Parker; Madonna; Amy Winehouse; “Grey’s Anatomy” star Sandra Oh; and Britney Spears.

Co-host of the show Brooke Anderson invited investigative journalist Pat Lalama, clinical psychologist Dr. Judy Kuriansky and Steve Santagati, author of “The Manual,” to speak on the topic. As any good show goes both sides were presented, but I think it’s a great way to open up a dialogue of how women and men think about body image.

I was surprised to see Sarah Jessica Parker as the No. 1 un-sexiest woman on the list. The magazine wrote, “How the hell did this Barbaro- faced broad manage to be the least sexy woman in a group of very un-sexy women and still star on a show with `sex` in the title?”

Santagati agreed with the statement. However, Kuriansky said the whole point of “Sex and the City” is that it’s a show about real women.

“We don’t want them to look like models and be skinny,” she said. “They are real women.”

I agree with Kuriansky to a point about the show — especially since it’s one of my favorites and I have all the episodes on DVD —but, lets face it the actors are not representative of real women. I believe the characters’ personalities represent real women, but their bodies do not.

At first I was offended by the list, but then Santagati said the list doesn’t say the women aren’t beautiful — just not sexy. So is there a difference? I think there is most definitely a difference. I know I categorize the way men look into different classifications and so do other women. There is the general attractive category that I believe can be subdivided into cute, handsome, distinguished, sexy and HOT. For example, some women may find Brad Pitt sexy — not me. I think he’s cute, but he doesn’t have the sex appeal I look for in a man. Now on the other hand I find Jon Bon Jovi sexy. Why? The man can act and sing do I need to say more. There are men I know personally that have sex appeal — no I will not name them — and then there are others who’ve got great characteristics, but don’t quite meet the criteria of sexy.

The dictionary describes sex appeal as physical attractiveness or personal qualities that arouse (you) sexually. The thing to remember is that not everyone will always agree on who’s sexy. So let me know what you think about the un-sexiest list or who you find sexy.

Recently I’ve been reading the comments on The Telegraph’s Web site about why and how we cover specific stories. What I’ve realized is that the media probably takes more criticism on how it does its job more than anyone else does.

Working as a reporter for the past six years I’ve taken a hit a time or two for stories I’ve had to cover. I written about countless crashes, fires, robberies and other police related events. I’ve also covered stories about people and their “battle” with government or schools. I don’t think it matters what story reporters write there will always be people to criticize. However, it’s the comments to particular stories that really catch my interest. Why? Because so often you say things like, “this really isn’t newsworthy,” “if this were your family you wouldn’t be writing about this” or you come to a conclusion about the story that isn’t even relevant. The list could go on and on about what people say, but what I do know is that for all of you who didn’t find it newsworthy you still took the time to read it and respond to the story. So is it news? Yes. The fact that you don’t like the content doesn’t mean it’s not worth reporting — you read it didn’t you.

Today, The Telegraph reported a story in which there are many comments. A mother talked about her son being harrassed. I do not know all the details because I did not write the story. I read what everyone else read. But I do know as mother how I respond to these actions. I have a zero tolerance policy and would have contacted the school too. When I was young I was bullied and yes it is something that can stay with you for life (girls can say and do some of the most brutal things.) Harassment comes in all forms and the people who say, “suck it up,” are probably bullies themselves. I know that sometimes it’s necessary to grow thick skin — I served in the U.S. Army and was screamed at by drill sergeants, everyone in my platoon was — but our children should feel safe at school and harassing behavior stopped.

My son is in the 8th grade at Alton Middle School. I know he is no angel, but I also believe he would never pick on anyone. He knows how I feel about it and he doesn’t want to get in trouble. However last year in school an incident took place in which a student in his class asked to go to the bathroom and was not allowed unless he took a demerit. The student didn’t want to get into trouble so he didn’t go (I think he was afraid of getting in trouble at home.) What happened next is sad. The student urinated on himself. My son told me that most of the class laughed, but there were a few boys who teased him because of it. I wanted to cry and it wasn’t even my kid. I don’t know what happened later, but it made me think about the rules when I was in school and how they are different compared to now. We never got in trouble for needing to go and lets face it, sometimes the urge hits us when we least expect it and that’s not in between classes. My son said because of some of the strict rules, school feels like prison at times.

I tell my son that he should fly under the radar and keep his mouth shut. It’s hard sometimes because no matter what I say to him he his is own person and will do things that have nothing to do with me. At some point teens go against what they are taught. It’s natural for them to want to do things their own way. It’s part of growing up. It’s how we respond to their behavior that is important.

So to parents that would say “my son or daughter would never” maybe you should be asking why it happened in the first place? Let me know what you think.

So how was your weekend? Mine was good. I went to see Robert Duvall speak at Principia College on Friday night and the place was packed. I took my mother because she is a fan. Once of her favorite movies is Lonesome Dove.

Mr. Duvall or “Bob,” as he said he likes to be called, graduated from the private college in Elsah in 1953. He talked for more than an hour about his career and what he does to get prepared for a role. What I noticed most was the way his voice lifted every time he mentioned his wife, Luciana Pedraza. You could tell he was a man in love.

Luciana was seated a few rows in front of my mother and I. She is a very beautiful woman. Everyone was there to see her husband, but I was curious about her. She’s been married to Bob for two years, but she started dating him in 1997 after meeting him on the street in Argentina.

“We met in front of a bakery,” she said. “I invited him to a party.”

Luciana said she didn’t know Duvall at all. The couple soon learned they had one thing in common — their birthdays, which is Jan. 5. Only the couple is 41 years apart. I was curious as to how he won her affection so I asked.

“His sincerity,” she said. “He inspired me to be myself.”

Everyone always wonders why younger women become involved with older men. Many people (usually women) say it’s because the woman is a “golddigger” or that the man is trying to relive his youth. However, many women involved with older men say the same thing as Luciana — older men show them more respect and they’re conversations do not fall on deaf ear.

Besides being attractive, Luciana is also intelligent. She graduated from the University of Buenos Aires with an MBA and minor in English. She was working as a marketing director for her own company when she met Duvall. Even though she grew up in Argentina he is the one who taught her how to tango. He loves it and in 2002, the couple starred in the movie “Assassination Tango,” which was written and directed by the Academy, Emmy and Golden Globe awards winning actor. In 2004, Luciana wrote and directed a short documentary “Portrait of Billy Joe.” The documentary is based on the life of country singer/songwriter Billy Joe Shaver.

You can tell Duvall is still smitten with Luciana even after knowing her for 10 years. It was the way he looked out at her and the way he said her name. I don’t think age matters when you find someone that makes you feel good about yourself. I think it’s great when people are in love because it keeps them young. So ladies, or gentlemen, let me know if you are involved with someone older, or younger, and tell me what you like about the relationship.

I feel in the mood to travel. I haven’t been anywhere in awhile, but right now I am planning to take a vacation sometime soon — even if it’s only to go out of town for the weekend. Other than an occasional trip to St. Louis I haven’t left the area in more than a year.

Why? Well I would say work, but that is just a lame excuse. Better yet, I just haven’t gone anywhere because I haven’t had the finances to really go. I probably could afford to go by myself, but I am a single parent and therefore must take my son. I feel guilty going without him. So whenever I plan something I am actually paying for two people, he really isn’t a little kid anymore and can no longer pass as 10 years old or younger.

It’s amazing watching him grow. He’s becoming quite the young man at 14. This week I attended his first band concert with Alton Middle School. I am so proud of him. When we moved to Alton more than five years ago I didn’t know how he would fit in. In Fourth grade he decided to play the viola. The next year he switched to the French horn and in Sixth grade he started playing trombone. He enjoys music.

In May, he started playing the bass guitar. Besides reading music he plays by ear. The next musical instrument he asked for was a banjo. (He’s still picking around on it.) For his birthday, which was earlier this month, he received an Epiphone SG guitar. He practices on at least two of the instruments each night. It’s the one thing he really enjoys — playing music. However, he doesn’t get that ability from me. I cannot carry a tune and most definitely can’t read music. The only thing I like about music is listening to it.

Both of us have iPods and we enjoy listening to each other’s play list. I am diverse in the type of music I like and will often download his songs into my playlist or vice-versa. We’ve introduced each other to different bands — he actually likes some of the 1970s rock and 1980s alternative. Here is a list of some artists on my playlist: The White Stripes; The Killers; Bon Jovi; INXS; Matchbox Twenty; Cher; Madonna; Elvis Costello; The Ramones; Tom Petty; and the Goo Goo Dolls. His list includes The Offspring, Jimmy Eat World, Nickelback, AC/DC, Aerosmith, Foo Fighters, Finger Eleven and Papa Roach.

He really isn’t into sports so I am glad he is into music. It’s our common denominator. I enjoyed listening to the seventh and eighth grade Alton Middle School band play “Celebration” and to the Alton Marching 100 on Monday. Although it was raining outside and we didn’t get to watch them perform on the football field they sounded great. You really should check out the schools band programs. They are great for the kids, but better yet it instills something in them — pride. To find out more about the music program in the Alton School District check out Alton Band and Orchestra Boosters.

Well most recently a comment was made to me that often when women speak we are smiled at, listened to, but not actually heard. But when men speak, whatever they say has merit. I believe this sometimes.

Let’s look at the past, especially when women visit male doctors and describe their symptoms, but are still ignored. It wasn’t until the past decade that we truly realized how serious depression can be following pregnancy. It actually makes women do crazy things. Think of all the countless times women have harmed their children or killed them because of post partum depression. Another example is how often women have gone undiagnosed for heart disease because our symptoms are not always the same as our male counterparts.

Women have been ignored for a long time, but there have been pioneers who fought for us and changed the way we live. Because of these women we have the right to vote, access to birth control, learned about the “The Feminine Mystique,” Title IX, freedom of choice, the pregnancy discrimination act and the violence against women act.

Women are continuing to push forward especially in business and politics. Women now work in job positions that were once predominantly filled by men. Women are appointed or elected to our city councils, village and school boards, state senate and house of representatives, local state and federal courts and U.S. Congress.

There have been plenty of firsts by women and there will probably be plenty more. I could go on and on about how women have changed the way we live, but really I want to know about the women who have changed the way you live.

OK, just when you think you’ve heard it all, well then someone says something utterly stupid and on live television. This past week columnist/author Ann Coulter appeared on Donny Deutsch’s CNBC show “The Big Idea” and said that the United States would be a better place if there weren’t any Jewish people and that they needed to “perfect” themselves into – Christians.

I couldn’t believe what she said. Neither could Deutsch. He immediately called her on it and like most people who say things without thinking before speaking she was trying to backtrack. Coulter, whether you like her or not, is controversial. She says things that makes your skin crawl, well maybe mine anyway but, that’s the great thing about this country – the 1st amendment protects free speech.

Coulter’s viewpoint is far from mine. I will probably never agree with her, but I like watching her only because I like yelling at the TV from time to time. I think when people say things that are offensive and what appear to be racist it strikes up a dialogue between people. In TV and radio there are personalities who purposely say things to offend the public. They want us talking, calling in and discussing the issues. They know if we do we are listening and watching them. Really isn’t that what it’s about – ratings.

So Coulter can keep talking, because if what she says makes others talk about how crazy she is and the people who are intolerant of other religions then more power to her. The fact is that every one of us has probably said something offensive at one time or another. We just didn’t do it on national television.

Well it’s about time that the weather switched to fall. I am glad for the change. I am not a hot weather person and since I’ve started going through perimenopause I really don’t like the heat. More than a year ago I started having night sweats. At first I thought I was coming down with the flu and didn’t think much about it. Then the sweats started becoming more frequent. Now it’s like clockwork. Two nights of every month I wake up drenched and cold and by the third day I’ve started my cycle.

Oh I know this isn’t a topic most women want to talk about. But hey it happens. I cannot really talk to my mother about it. She didn’t go through menopause the way most women do. She was undergoing treatment for breast cancer when her cycles stopped, which was when she was in her early 50s. I’m 38 and experience not only night sweats but hot flashes. So ladies tell me how you deal with them?

What I’ve learned is that whenever I am in public and I experience a hot flash instead of becoming embarrassed I use humor to diffuse it. I cannot stop it. I can only learn how to live with it. The horrible part is I hear symptoms can last up to 10 years. The best way to describe how I deal with it is to use the analogy I recently gave my son when he had a problem —, “Life isn’t like a lollipop. It’s not always going to be sweet.”

I’ve decided not to take hormone replacement therapy because of the increased risk of cancer in my family. A majority of women in my family have been diagnosed with cancer — breast and cervical.

I know I shouldn’t complain about the “cycle of life,” especially when so many women are fighting to keep theirs. This month is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, which focuses on awareness about the disease and reminds women to do self-breast exams or get a mammogram for early detection. The Madison County Health Department offers several programs, which includes helping women without insurance or whose insurance doesn’t cover the costs.

Although I may get a little red this month I will be thinking pink.

I am fascinated with people’s lives. Not the celebrity gossip, but the stories about people who have succeeded in life. They are the ones who turned a simple idea into a million-dollar product. Donny Deutsch, who is CEO of a multi-million dollar advertising and media agency, hosts “The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch” on www.cnbc.com. Every night he interviews the people whose products we use everyday and love.

Recently Donny interviewed several women whose ideas have transformed the way we dress. The show “Find millions in your underwear drawer” was both inspiring and uplifting (no pun intended.) He interviewed six women — Sara Blakely, Kerry O’Brien, Amanda Kennedy, Katy Gendel, Lesley Hatfield and Jane Ivanov —which have changed the way we dress. Of course their names do not stand out, but their products do. I bet at least one of you has one of these items in your drawer — Spanx, Her Look , SassyBax, Breezies, Nite Sweatz , Eve Alexander

I had heard of two of the items prior to the show, Spanx and NiteSweatz. But I was quite intrigued by SassyBax. It offers an underwire, strapless bra like I’ve never seen. Although it’s sold on-line and at a several high-end retailers there is one local shop, La Boutique in Edwardsville, that carries the product. I am looking forward to checking it out because for my double Ds it’s hard to find a good strapless bra that fits. If any of you have tried let me know how it works, because as we all know when you find a bra that fits you usually end up buying several.

OK, Eve Alexander is not a product I will be using, but I do know that there are several of you out there who will. Yes it’s finally time that someone found the pregnant female form sexy and created something just for them. Fourteen years ago when I had my son maternity clothes were nothing like they are now this just shows you that women don’t want to look frumpy anymore.

It’s Wednesday and the middle of the workweek for most people, but in all actuality it’s my Thursday. For the past six years I’ve worked Sunday through Thursday and get Fridays and Saturday off. I like my schedule. I like having a day where my son’s in school and I have nothing else to do except what I want. I call it “me” day.

I know that sounds a little selfish. But raising a teenager is exhausting and I need one day to rejuvenate. I know that other mothers are going through the same thing. You feel like you are constantly nagging at your child to do something — chores, homework or simply go to bed. If you’re not asking or reminding them then you are arguing. Oh, don’t get me wrong my son is actually a great kid. He takes out the trash, does his own laundry, washes dishes and completes his homework.

So I guess you wonder what I would complain about? It’s not really complaining. It’s just tiring sometimes because as a single parent there isn’t anyone to vent to when I have a “bad day” and I am the one he is constantly trying to work. I know most parents have heard this one before: “I don’t feel good can I stay home today?” NO! They are not sick, but yet they try and work you because they want to sleep in a little longer. Twice this week my son has tried to get me to let him stay home. I know his sinuses are bothering him, but that’s too bad.

My son turns 14 tomorrow and one of the things he wants is to get a work permit so that he can get a job. Since the start of the school year he has shown me a lot of responsibility. He’s done his homework without the battle, he gets his chores done (on occasion I might have to ask, but I don’t have to nag) and in general he’s more helpful to me. He knows that unless he does these things he cannot go to work. I know most kids his age don’t want to get a job, but my son is ready. Why? Because he doesn’t get an allowance and he wants the extra money to put into savings to buy his own things. I get him the things he needs and occasionally buy him stuff, but I don’t feel the need to reward him for doing what he should. He lives in the house just like I do so why shouldn’t he help clean up? He’s not little anymore is turning into a young man. Let me know what you think.