It’s Wednesday and the middle of the workweek for most people, but in all actuality it’s my Thursday. For the past six years I’ve worked Sunday through Thursday and get Fridays and Saturday off. I like my schedule. I like having a day where my son’s in school and I have nothing else to do except what I want. I call it “me” day.
I know that sounds a little selfish. But raising a teenager is exhausting and I need one day to rejuvenate. I know that other mothers are going through the same thing. You feel like you are constantly nagging at your child to do something — chores, homework or simply go to bed. If you’re not asking or reminding them then you are arguing. Oh, don’t get me wrong my son is actually a great kid. He takes out the trash, does his own laundry, washes dishes and completes his homework.
So I guess you wonder what I would complain about? It’s not really complaining. It’s just tiring sometimes because as a single parent there isn’t anyone to vent to when I have a “bad day” and I am the one he is constantly trying to work. I know most parents have heard this one before: “I don’t feel good can I stay home today?” NO! They are not sick, but yet they try and work you because they want to sleep in a little longer. Twice this week my son has tried to get me to let him stay home. I know his sinuses are bothering him, but that’s too bad.
My son turns 14 tomorrow and one of the things he wants is to get a work permit so that he can get a job. Since the start of the school year he has shown me a lot of responsibility. He’s done his homework without the battle, he gets his chores done (on occasion I might have to ask, but I don’t have to nag) and in general he’s more helpful to me. He knows that unless he does these things he cannot go to work. I know most kids his age don’t want to get a job, but my son is ready. Why? Because he doesn’t get an allowance and he wants the extra money to put into savings to buy his own things. I get him the things he needs and occasionally buy him stuff, but I don’t feel the need to reward him for doing what he should. He lives in the house just like I do so why shouldn’t he help clean up? He’s not little anymore is turning into a young man. Let me know what you think.
Cynthia, I personally think you’re taking the right approach with making him take responsibility. Too often kids are handed whatever they want and aren’t made to work for it. I think that breeds this culture of expectation. Kids today seem to “expect” that everything will be handed to them on a silver platter. They “expect” a car at 16. They “expect” that $500 designer purse and those designer jeans. They “expect” that mom and/or dad will always be around to give them what they want, when they want it…and they expect society to do the same. Why do they expect it? Because their entire lives they’ve been told they are “special.” In the real world, whether you’re “special” or not, people have expectations of you and the sooner kids realize that, the better off they will be. It’s great that your son wants to take the initiative to get a job. I, too, was made to do chores and take care of my brother and do my homework, etc, etc. and I tutored and babysat when I was in my teens and got a job at 16 as a waitress. It was a very responsible thing for a teenager to do, but I realized that school was my primary job. That’s the key. You just have to be careful that his place of employment doesn’t try to exploit him by trying to make him work so many hours that his grades and school ife suffer. As you know, it’s all about attaining that balance in life.
School will be the No. 1 priority. He’s been told that his grade must be kept at a B or above and if they fall then he cannot work. The only extra curricular activity that he takes part in is band. Since the the fourth grade he’s been playing an instrument, and now he plays four. Next year he is looking forward to playing with Alton’s Marching 100, which will cut down on working, but music is the one thing he enjoys more than anything else.